Lifting the Weight

We create a better future by upgrading ourselves. The more conscious we become, the more wounds we heal, the more reactive patterns we release – the higher the vibration at which we will function. The higher the vibration, the healthier the psyche. At higher vibrations we won’t be depressed, we won’t worry or feel shame because those emotions vibrate at a lower frequency. So how do we raise our frequency? We begin by releasing the weight.

Early in infancy we all experience a moment when we awaken to our separateness, when we discover that we are not one with Mother, but have an independent existence. This moment of separation is a shock to our baby consciousness and initiates self-awareness. While this is a necessary step in every infant’s growth, it is experienced as a wound, a loss of love, of approval, of connectedness.

This wound creates a core vulnerability. Defensive attitudes and behaviors develop around it. It becomes one’s “button” that triggers defense mechanisms. It leads to dysfunctional patterns that turn into self-sabotaging behaviors.

Each of us carries a sense of being broken or damaged in some way. We feel hopeless about some area of our lives– something we are powerless to conquer, something that will always stand between us and fulfillment. Something we interpret as a tragic flaw.

This wound is re-inflicted in various forms throughout one’s life until the pattern is recognized, the source identified and the wound healed. This path to healing is revealed in the natal horoscope by Chiron. The house placement of this archetype in our chart indicates the area of our life in which we are wounded. The sign reveals the energy that must be released from self-sabotaging patterns and brought into alignment with the soul. Both indicate unfinished business and unmet needs.

Consciousness is wholistic – nothing is lost. It is cumulative. We may physically outgrow childhood, but the consciousness of the child continues to live within us and to have an impact on our choices, our attitudes and our behavior. The child is vulnerable and wounded. It has needs, it still longs for love, comfort, security. It still “misbehaves” to get attention. It still needs a mother.

It is up to us to step into that role, to become the responsible parent and develop a nurturing relationship. In the process we become more self-aware. Seeing our childhood self from the perspective of the parent brings so much into focus. The origins of attitudes and beliefs, of reactive behavior patterns, of emotional wounds that damaged our self-image. Working with the inner child is key to our healing. We abandoned a part of ourselves that is still in pain. Self-love begins with the inner child. The trap here is that the inner child is probably feeling self-pity, or resentment. She may resist you. We need patience at the start.

So how to begin this work of becoming a good parent? How do we fill the needs of our inner child so she can be happy and carefree and set us free to be the same? We learn self-love. We carve out time from our busy lives for self-love.  We find a place of solitude, give ourselves some space and time for reflection. We begin an inner journey seeking out our earliest memories, feeling into the child we once were. We meditate.

Our inner space is our own. All the answers we seek are within. As my grandfather used to say, “you gotta get to know the territory.” For best results, find a comfortable position, one in which you will stay alert. Close your eyes and slow your breath. It helps relax the body if you take a few deep breaths and let them out along with all the tension you are holding. Then look around inside. What is the mind doing? Are you caught up in a stream of thought? What’s going on in your body? Itches, aches? What is the feeling tone? Are you anxious, calm, angry or depressed? Are you curious, distracted or resistant?

Spend a few minutes getting the lay of the land. All that’s going on is fine. No need to change anything, just don’t get caught up in drama. Watch it all but turn your focus on your earliest memories. Reach back down the well of time and connect with your infant self, or toddler self. Maybe you can even remember back to being in the womb. Whatever earlier version of yourself appears is perfect. Be with yourself in that space/time.

When you come out of meditation, take up your journal and write everything you can remember plus any insights you received. Whatever comes up is perfect. No need to worry that you’re not doing it right. It’s right for you. It’s your moment.

Intention is important in meditation. When you set a firm intention, the subconscious responds and offers up information. Then the ego rears up to defend the off-limit inner realm. It will distract us, the mind will throw up more and more intriguing thoughts, trying to lure us off the path. A great deal of meditation time is spent getting distracted, realizing we are distracted, refocusing our intention and getting distracted again. That’s why we practice. Gradually we begin to notice the distraction sooner, to stay present for longer stretches of time, to experience silence and stillness in our depths.

Begin to lift some of that psychic weight this week. Set an intention to discover the inner child’s wound, its needs, its fears. Begin to parent, and chronicle your journey.  

I have enjoyed spending time with those of you who signed up for Chiron readings. The Scorpio Special is still running. Are you curious about how Chiron works in your chart? You can sign up for a reading on my website, under “Consultations.”

Mars is moving toward an exact opposition with Eris this Friday. The planet of aggression faces off against discord. Pluto, square to both, uncovers some secrets and triggers power struggles. Eris reveals our ego sensitivities. Mars has his dukes up, ready for combat. Rather than react, take a step back and contemplate the best response. Be grateful for an opportunity to grow.